Ahem. My Lords, ladies, gentlemen and any scum who may be in attendance. Plus a dog or two.
On behalf of the esteemed members of the Shaving Party I am pleased to present my budget proposals covering the next financial period.
To this extent it will be combined with my SOTD and share the theme, 'Bridgets, budgie smuggling and budgets'
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A 2% reduction in razor tax - Muhle R89
An increase in blade allowance - Polsilver Lodz
Brushing of somethings under the carpet - Highlander LFC
A 1000% increase in beard tax - Extro Arzachena
A compulsory reduction in facial hair - L'Occitane Cade balm
'And shave that bloody stupid moustache off before we tax those as well'
The OBR (Office of Bearded Reprobates) have published their latest growth figures and estimates for beard growth. They reflect that smooth faces remain in recession together with a decline in the number of people using proper shaving methods.
It is unsustainable that facial hair is on the increase and beard inflation spiralling out of control. Regretfully we have had to increase the taxation on beards to 1000% in an attempt to bring this inflation back to respectable levels and to stagnate the increase in the number of ugly hairy faces in society. There will be a concession of a lesser 500% increase for those who sport a goatee and unsure if beards are in or out. We will teach them a bloody lesson, albeit of lower punishment than those Big Bushy Beard Bastards.
And finally the threshold at which beards are assessed will be dissolved and anything over 1mm will be subject to the newly introduced Thrashold and will result in a damn good beating.
Other than all that a damn fine shave this evening and thank you.
Over to someone nearly the equal of last night's Japanese journey through the Sphincter
'Some budgies'
And finally
'A Bridget. With some underwear capable of smuggling a whole flock of budgies'
