A shave with a theme called 'Richard III'
Richard Duke of Gloucester - Colonial General V2
Sir James Blunt - Feather Super Professional
George of Clarence - Cadman 30mm Tuxedo
Marquis of Dorset - Faena Greek Skinos
Earl Rivers - Floris Santal
Now is the shave of our content
Made glorious summer by this sun of Liverpool
And all the lather that lour'd within my bowl
In the deep bosom of the shower room sink.
Now are our bristles bound with Faena Skinos soap
Our weepers stung for moments
Our stern alum block changes to merry greetings, (Editors note - even though I don't use alum blocks)
Our dreadful march to delightful shaves.
Grim-visaged war hath smooth'd his wrinkled skin and stubborn facial hair
And now, instead of plugging in an electric razor
To fright the souls of fearful adversaries,
He capers nimbly with a blade of steel
To the lascivious pleasing of a clean shave (well at least I hope my wife is appreciative......but I doubt it)
But I, that am not shaped for shaving tricks
Nor made to court an amorous mirrored-glass;
I, that am rudely stamp'd, and want love's shaven face
To strut before a wanton ambling nymph; (Yup, I don't mind a nymph or two)
I, that am curtail'd of this fair bit of facial growth,
Cheated of feature by dissembling the razor at the end of it all
Deformed (?), finish'd, scent before my time
Into this breathing world, not half made up and completely clean and smooth
And that so lamely and unfashionable beards
That dogs bark at those who wear them
Why, I, in this weak piping time of peace,
Have no delight to a full three passes
Unless to spy my five O'Clock shadow in the sun
And descant on mine own deformity (another one of those ? things)
And therefore, since I cannot prove a shaver,
To entertain these fair well-spoken evenings
I am determined to prove clean shaven
And love the idle pleasures of these days.
Plots have I laid, inductions with dangerous sharp bits of steel,
By drunken prophecies, libels and dreams (Happy with the drunken bit)
To set my brother cartridge razor and the Gillette king
In deadly hate the one against the other:
And if King Edward be as true and just (where do potatoes come in to all this?)
As I am subtle, smooth and tremendously free of fuzz,
This day my face closely be mowed up,
About a prophecy, which says that 'General'
Of false heirs to the Colonial shall be.
Dive, thoughts, down to cleansed soul: here
Floris Santal comes.
If you have managed to get this far then congratulations. If you skipped it all to see some Japanese ladies rock their socks off then equally so, congratulations
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