Good news for others warms my heart and the Lake District will always be a special place for me.Well I have found a new job in a nicer part of the country starting January. I am moving to the Lake District from the Chilterns, well High Wycombe. I wasn't enjoying my current job which created too much anxiety. I also suffer from diabetic neuropathy, which causes constant pain. The most annoying issue is that my GP, whichever one it is always declines pain and neuropathy medication requests.
I hope everyone has an enjoyable festive season.
I really have nothing else to add thats not already been said.I’ve been shit lately, really shit. Falling down a lot due to my arthritic knees combined with the unbalancing effects of acute anxiety. The dark nights don’t help and my lack of activity has meant my weight has crept back up. Whereas six years ago, I could drop down and do 45 press ups, I doubt I’d manage ten now. Going for a pee is hard work. Money is shit, debts here and there and I’ve got to the stage I can’t look after myself for more than a couple of days on my own.
And it’s bloody hard to write this here but it got so bad last Tuesday after yet another fall that I took an overdose in an attempt to end it all. Couldn’t even get that right! Not so much a cold, calm and calculated effort but more a spur of the moment attempt due to an overwhelming need for the pain in my knees and between my ears to stop once and for all. I was due to take pain meds and as I usually decant my blister packs into an old pill bottle, I wolfed the bloody lot. Nigh on 100 Gabapentin.
So blue light to A&E after my Fiancée discovered what I’d done and I thought they’d pump my stomach then section me. Nope. Vitals taken regularly and bloods plus constant monitoring and I never even conked out! It would have been a very different story if I’d had a drink and popped a good few Co-codomol too
Picking up a bit now but still down there. Just so fucking ashamed I put my loved ones through it all.
As a close mate of mine said to me, it wasn’t so much that I wanted to kill myself but that I couldn’t cope with the pain of being alive and wanted said pain to stop. Big difference. A sudden and massive, overpowering rush of negative emotion post-fall.
Sod that, I’ve too much to lose and so much to live for. Just got to find a better way of keeping on, keeping on.
Sorry if any of this offends or is too close to the bone. I can hardly believe I’ve actually typed it here but there you are.
It pains me to read of others’ woes here too but it strangely comforts me in that I know I’m not alone and you all are still here, still fighting.
Right, I’m back off under my rock.
You have you to live for, you may think at times what's the point of going on but we are all here for a reason it just takes time, sometimes a long time to figure out what that reason is but something will happen one day and then you will realise what your reason for living is.Im struggling.
I just feel tired, both physically and psychologically.
I don't feel I have anything to live for
If that's what it takes then start looking for a career change, I was working in a hostel for 16-18 year olds, sometimes a little younger but the work would tax me mentally and I found myself burnt out after two years and I had to go for my own mental health and do something totally different, so if it's grinding you down you must for your own sake seek a different line of employment, I found helping these young people wasn't helping me in the long run and to be fair to these young people and to myself I had to leave.Mood has been low lately. I've been feeling quite bored and uninspired in life at the moment, and it doesn't help with the winter rolling in with the shorter day light.
Feel like a need a challenge in life..even considering a career change, as I don't feel like I'm enjoying working in children's social care any more and it's been grinding me down for a while.
If that's what it takes then start looking for a career change, I was working in a hostel for 16-18 year olds, sometimes a little younger but the work would tax me mentally and I found myself burnt out after two years and I had to go for my own mental health and do something totally different, so if it's grinding you down you must for your own sake seek a different line of employment, I found helping these young people wasn't helping me in the long run and to be fair to these young people and to myself I had to leave.
Paul.
become so worn out by the incessant panic, rush, emergency bollocks that advertising involves and the non-existent work life balance for really shitty reward that I've finally crashed and am officially signed off.
And there's the kick... "Not being productive" I think we're conditioned nowadays to be productive, and I honestly believe it's an artificial construct. I've suffered badly with mental health problems and my breakthrough came when I made the conscious decision to get binary with myself...is it good for me or is it not? I just worked through things going on in my life, trying to be brutally honest (very difficult to be in reality) and stopped doing things that were bad for me. It's ongoing and sometimes vanity gets in the way, but by cutting out all the self inflicted bull shit I can move forward. I don't feel the need to be productive, in a hundred years time no one will even remember me so why do I give any importance to being productive? I think self worth and integrity means more to me than any thing, cutting out the unnecessary bull shit . Living in the moment, being kind and trying not to be a cunt is where it's at.I think that not only is the burnout itself damaging but given you've been running at 200% for some time, coming back to any kind of normality through a deliberate slowing can often bring a second damaging feeling that you're not being productive.
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