Mental Health Awareness

So I'm having a bad day....
Let me just unload....

So over the past 2-3 years my wifes fibromyalgia and anxiety has got worse to the point where I've ended up doing all the secular work myself apart from the odd invoices she sends out for me. I don't mind it so much I'm the husband and I love my wife,
I frequently come home to a house that's not dirty or untidy but hasn't changed in the last 3 to 4 days apart from the odd load of clothes that are washed, a sink full of pots may have been washed and left on the draining board and an occasional vacuum. Not forgetting the 50/50 chance that I come home to a meal that's already cooked and waiting for me after a full day's window cleaning. The other 50 % of the time I will come home and either grab somthing from a takeaway or end up cook something for us as she is in too much pain with her arms and wrists swelling up from the 'fibro'.
And then today I'm playing (recreational) with a smart trainer I got cheap trying to make it work, came down to make a snack asked if she wanted anything.... no no.... so I made a few chicken nuggets and chips literally a few on a small plate.... then she shouts through.... can you make me some cheese on toast.... you make it better than me.....
Then due to a small issue I won't bore you with, I was still trying to get this Turbo trainer to work properly when I get another shout.... can you put the heater on in the bedroom.... can you change the bed for me....

I appreciate that she is limited in what she can do... but I do feel extremely unappreciated at times.....

Right.... rant over.... I'm off to bed.
 
CjH said:
So I'm having a bad day....
Let me just unload....

So over the past 2-3 years my wifes fibromyalgia and anxiety has got worse to the point where I've ended up doing all the secular work myself apart from the odd invoices she sends out for me. I don't mind it so much I'm the husband and I love my wife,
I frequently come home to a house that's not dirty or untidy but hasn't changed in the last 3 to 4 days apart from the odd load of clothes that are washed, a sink full of pots may have been washed and left on the draining board and an occasional vacuum. Not forgetting the 50/50 chance that I come home to a meal that's already cooked and waiting for me after a full day's window cleaning. The other 50 % of the time I will come home and either grab somthing from a takeaway or end up cook something for us as she is in too much pain with her arms and wrists swelling up from the 'fibro'.
And then today I'm playing (recreational) with a smart trainer I got cheap trying to make it work, came down to make a snack asked if she wanted anything.... no no.... so I made a few chicken nuggets and chips literally a few on a small plate.... then she shouts through.... can you make me some cheese on toast.... you make it better than me.....
Then due to a small issue I won't bore you with, I was still trying to get this Turbo trainer to work properly when I get another shout.... can you put the heater on in the bedroom.... can you change the bed for me....

I appreciate that she is limited in what she can do... but I do feel extremely unappreciated at times.....

Right.... rant over.... I'm off to bed.
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It's so easy sometimes to feel unappreciated when you are doing the lion's share of the work, I'm sure your wife does appreciate all that you do but some people living with physical or mental health conditions can tend to assume that you know how appreciated you are and don't realise that once in a while they need to say this to you, I've been in a similar situation myself and I felt exactly as you have explained you do, well it came to a point where I ended up venting my frustrations and I was told that I was very appreciated for what I did and they didn't realise that they hadn't shown this to me because they were wrapped up in their own problems, anyway ,after this was aired things changed somewhat where after that I was told from time to time that I was appreciated for all I did and that made a big difference to me, I didn't want or need it to be shown this all the time but once in a while just so I didn't feel unappreciated.
I think it's always important to make your feelings be known, not in the hamfisted way I did but just by gently telling your wife how you feel sometimes and I'm sure you will hear that you are very much appreciated for what you have to do because of your wife's problems.
You need to let her know first that you fully understand why her illness affects her and then tactfully let her know your feelings and I'm sure if she knows how you are feeling she in future will not just assume that you know that she does appreciate you and will once in a while tell you how special you are to her and that she does appreciate everything you do for her because she is unable to do these things for herself.
I do hope this helps you somehow, but please don't wait until you are so frustrated that you may say something you may regret, you need to be in a calm headspace when you let her know how you are feeling.

Paul.
 
Blademonkey said:
It's so easy sometimes to feel unappreciated when you are doing the lion's share of the work, I'm sure your wife does appreciate all that you do but some people living with physical or mental health conditions can tend to assume that you know how appreciated you are and don't realise that once in a while they need to say this to you, I've been in a similar situation myself and I felt exactly as you have explained you do, well it came to a point where I ended up venting my frustrations and I was told that I was very appreciated for what I did and they didn't realise that they hadn't shown this to me because they were wrapped up in their own problems, anyway ,after this was aired things changed somewhat where after that I was told from time to time that I was appreciated for all I did and that made a big difference to me, I didn't want or need it to be shown this all the time but once in a while just so I didn't feel unappreciated.
I think it's always important to make your feelings be known, not in the hamfisted way I did but just by gently telling your wife how you feel sometimes and I'm sure you will hear that you are very much appreciated for what you have to do because of your wife's problems.
You need to let her know first that you fully understand why her illness affects her and then tactfully let her know your feelings and I'm sure if she knows how you are feeling she in future will not just assume that you know that she does appreciate you and will once in a while tell you how special you are to her and that she does appreciate everything you do for her because she is unable to do these things for herself.
I do hope this helps you somehow, but please don't wait until you are so frustrated that you may say something you may regret, you need to be in a calm headspace when you let her know how you are feeling.

Paul.
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Aye.... tis true...
I think I was just a bit tired too last night. Anyways a half decent night's sleep and the prospect of an easy day for work seems to have lifted me a tad.
Let's see what the day brings.
Thanks @Blademonkey for your insight and thoughts. 
 
CjH said:
Aye.... tis true...
I think I was just a bit tired too last night. Anyways a half decent night's sleep and the prospect of an easy day for work seems to have lifted me a tad.
Let's see what the day brings.
Thanks @Blademonkey for your insight and thoughts. 
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Sleep is so important to us all and if you are not getting enough quality sleep it will certainly have an impact on you..

Have a good day,

Paul.
 
saj said:
Hey how's it going lads?

Feeling exhausted, drained mentally, physically, spiritually, you name it! Lol
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Sleep is important, if you are feeling exhausted physically it can have a knock on effect and you start feeling mentally exhausted.
Some people find meditation works well and can help you sleep as well as a number of other things.
I wish you well Saj.

Paul.
 
Blademonkey said:
Sleep is important, if you are feeling exhausted physically it can have a knock on effect and you start feeling mentally exhausted.
Some people find meditation works well and can help you sleep as well as a number of other things.
I wish you well Saj.

Paul.
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Yea sleep is a big issue tbh,
I've downloaded apps for Luke white noise and stuff does help

I've tried meditation apps too but bit hit and miss
 
Plus one for swapping caffiene for fruit/herbel teas. Meditation, white noise etc etc did nothing for me.

FWIW Sleep, and not being scared to take a few minutes for yourself are both big pluses. Even if your managing with CBT, support, meds etc the odd bad day just reminds us we're all human. Keep at it, your allowed to have a bad day, the next hasn't happened yet
 
Blademonkey said:
I'm drinking herbal tea which helps me to be relaxed enough to drop off to sleep, there are a few on the market to choose from.
I hope you feel more rested soon.

Paul.
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Yea I tried that chamomile tea but hasn't done anything for me

Been drinking date seed coffee which I love btw lol

Thing is I have an issue not just falling asleep but staying asleep and the insomnia is getting worse and worse
 
DRJC said:
Plus one for swapping caffiene for fruit/herbel teas. Meditation, white noise etc etc did nothing for me.

FWIW Sleep, and not being scared to take a few minutes for yourself are both big pluses. Even if your managing with CBT, support, meds etc the odd bad day just reminds us we're all human. Keep at it, your allowed to have a bad day, the next hasn't happened yet
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You tried that wim hof breathing on YouTube?

It's very intense I felt very panicky and felt like I was going to die when I was doing it but I'm not going to give up and will try

I've never tried any CBT products and don't really know much about it

Been on sleeping tabs but make you feel awful when you wake up and have bad brain fog and takes ages to shake off that out of it feeling
 
saj said:
You tried that wim hof breathing on YouTube?

It's very intense I felt very panicky and felt like I was going to die when I was doing it but I'm not going to give up and will try

I've never tried any CBT products and don't really know much about it

Been on sleeping tabs but make you feel awful when you wake up and have bad brain fog and takes ages to shake off that out of it feeling
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CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy, right?
 
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saj said:
you can tell ive hardly slept as i got CBD and CBT mixed up lool :ROFLMAO::cry::poop:
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I suspected that's what you were thinking.

About the sleep issues - have you heard of Matt Walker? Some of his advice may help. You can find various resources on the internet with a search of his name.
I think sleepdiplomat.com is his website.
 
I might have a read of that myself. Sleep is my bit problem, the inability to stay asleep rather than being unable to go to sleep in the first place. It's caused by full body pain and also my GFs bl**dy handbag dog!! It gets a pass from her on pretty much everything because its blind and very old. I seem to be 2nd...
Lack of sleep makes coping with everything else so much worse. I'm also trying to cut down on coffee a bit, and drink valerian and passion flower tea at night. Good luck Saj, I know it's not easy.
 
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hotmetal said:
I might have a read of that myself. Sleep is my bit problem, the inability to stay asleep rather than being unable to go to sleep in the first place. It's caused by full body pain and also my GFs bl**dy handbag dog!! It gets a pass from her on pretty much everything because its blind and very old. I seem to be 2nd...
Lack of sleep makes coping with everything else so much worse. I'm also trying to cut down on coffee a bit, and drink valerian and passion flower tea at night. Good luck Saj, I know it's not easy.
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There are so many things to consider and to try. One of the things Matt Walker said in a podcast I listened to years ago was how long the half-life of caffeine is. It stays in the body for many hours, so I have stopped drinking it any later than early afternoon. Full body pain must be a huge spanner in the works, particularly in relation to sleep.
 
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