best man speech

Boab

Boab

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I have a speech to do on Saturday, need some help from the brethren.Get your one liners out :D
 
"Being asked to be the Best Man is like being asked to make love to the Queen......A great honour, but one you would rather not do......"
 
The best man speech is an absolute killer.
Jafford a lurker here was my best man and i dont know who was more nervous on the day - Me or him.

Its oh so hard to do it bang on , yet oh so easy to really cock it up.
You only have to do a quick Google to see some absolute (albeit accidental) disasters.

Having only ever written a Groom speech i honestly wouldn't know where to start as my own speech was a nervous jittery mess. Didn't help following my father in law who is a noted public speaker with a way with words. He delivered a 15 minute impromptu speech, full of confidence and charm that had the room in stitches -
I'm sure i might have been better had i actually known half the people at my own wedding, but im sure im not the only one to experience that.

Cant really offer any words , but there are some good sites for ideas out there now - if only they had been around when i got hitched.
 
Fido said:
Boab said:
I have a speech to do on Saturday, need some help from the brethren.Get your one liners out :D
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I'm going to a wedding on Saturday! Where's your's?
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Now that would be a turn up for the books! mines is in Motherwell.
 
Boab said:
Fido said:
Boab said:
I have a speech to do on Saturday, need some help from the brethren.Get your one liners out :D
Click to expand...

I'm going to a wedding on Saturday! Where's your's?
Click to expand...

Now that would be a turn up for the books! mines is in Motherwell.
Click to expand...

I thought it was a long shot. Mine's in Alton, Hampshire. An old pal who lost his wife marrying again. A golden oldies wedding. Willl be fun.
 
Attero said:
Having only ever written a Groom speech i honestly wouldn't know where to start as my own speech was a nervous jittery mess.
Click to expand...

Mine too, one of the few things in my life I genuinely regret. If I could do it again I would write it down word for word. Didn't help that I'd almost lost my voice.

Fido said:
I'm going to a wedding on Saturday! Where's your's?
Click to expand...

LOL I thought this was a suggestion for the speech - sat here for thirty seconds trying to work out what was funny about it!
 
Pig Cat said:
LOL I thought this was a suggestion for the speech - sat here for thirty seconds trying to work out what was funny about it!
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I think use of "LOL" is dangerously close to using a smilie. I'm watching you, Pig Cat.

Best Man speeches are notoriously difficult as you're playing to a wide audience; children, old folks, raucous types, staid types... You have to pitch it at a fairly safe middle ground. I would say don't try and be rude, but be bawdy. Don't try and be too clever, but neither should you be cheesy (leave that to me!). Humiliate the groom, but don't ridicule him. Tell a funny but true story about the groom if you can't think up jokes, and embellish the story with little details to build it up to a crescendo.

And remember, timing is





everything.

Don't talk while people are laughing at something you previously said. Don't talk too quickly. Have a drink but don't get drunk.

Just realised you asked for one-liners, not advice. Cack. Sorry.
 
" Ladies and Gentlemen, as you'd expect, this is an emotional day.
(Gesture towards the wedding cake)
Even the wedding cake is in tiers..."

(Clown's horn honking)
 
i've only been asked to be a Best man once and i refused.

i explained there was no way i could stand up in front of loads of people and speak, without stuttering, swearing and getting a beamer
so rather than spoil the day i declined

our invite went from all-day to reception

turns out i couldn't get leave anyway so missed the whole thing

weird thing was we were good mates years ago but lost touch and hadn't even spoke in ages so it was strange (to me) to be asked to do it
 
cheese_dave said:
Pig Cat said:
LOL I thought this was a suggestion for the speech - sat here for thirty seconds trying to work out what was funny about it!
Click to expand...
I think use of "LOL" is dangerously close to using a smilie. I'm watching you, Pig Cat.
Click to expand...

It's really tough, the one I miss most is the 'ironic' smiley, oh and the 'looking up' one as well. Just two weeks to go.

cheese_dave said:
Best Man speeches are notoriously difficult as you're playing to a wide audience; children, old folks, raucous types, staid types... You have to pitch it at a fairly safe middle ground. I would say don't try and be rude, but be bawdy. Don't try and be too clever, but neither should you be cheesy (leave that to me!). Humiliate the groom, but don't ridicule him. Tell a funny but true story about the groom if you can't think up jokes, and embellish the story with little details to build it up to a crescendo.
Click to expand...

My most memorable wedding involved the best man discussing the groom's previous attempts at pulling and even his ex-girlfriends. To top that the bride's father had invited all his mates and spent most of his incredibly long speech chatting about how he new all these people and telling stories about them. Later on the bride and groom were involved in a bizarre game where they had to answer questions about each other. The most inappropriate answer had to be the grooms response to the historical person he most admires: "Hitler". They were next presented with hand-cuffs and a whip. This is a history teacher and a midwife we're talking about. Absolutely nuts!
 
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