First entry for this new SOTD week and this one is introduced by the theme, 'Paradise by the Shower room sink'
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Heaven sent - Occams Enoch
Hell bent - Schick Proline
Paradise Island - AP Shaving 24mm Cashmere
Paralytic Island - Captain Fawcett's
Pathetic Island - Goutal Eau D'Hadrien
A return of the Karaoke shave. You know the score. And in this case you will need to give up several minutes of your life. Either that or look at the photo, skip to the end and enjoy some Japanese ladies. I would knowing how damn protracted and predictably boring I am.
And if the words don't fit regardless of how quick or slow you try sing them then I shall simply blame the dog. Being as it was the dog who strung this one together.
W
ell I remember this little Enoch thing
As if I’d shaved only yesterday
Shaving by the sink
And there was not another blade in sight
And I never had a razor
With a stranger blade loading than you have
And all the folk on TSR
They were glad they were not me last night
And your plates are oh so close and tight
It always feels dodgy, it never feels right
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a blade
Glowing like the metal on the edge of a blade
C'mon! Hold it tight!
C'mon! That was shite!
Though it's cold and wet by the shaving drink
I can see paradise by the shower room sink
Ain't no doubt about it
You were singularly blessed
This is Schick shave seventeen
And I am barely dressed
Well ain't no doubt about it
Razor’s got to go shave with it
Ain't no doubt about it
You were singularly blessed
This is Schick shave seventeen
And I am barely dressed
Oops baby did you hear me fart
So loud it’s drowning out the radio
I've been shaving so long
For you to come along and cut me up
Well I gotta let you know
No you're never gonna regret it
So open up your plates I got a big surprise
It'll feel like shite
Well I want to make my razor run
And now your plates are so close and tight
It never felt good, it just felt like shite
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a blade
Glowing like the metal on the edge of a blade
C'mon! Hold on tight!
C'mon! That was shite!
Though it's cold and wet by the shaving drink
I can see paradise by the shower room sink
Paradise by the shower room sink
You got to do what you can
And let razors weight do the rest
Ain't no doubt about it
You were singularly blessed
This is Schick shave seventeen
And I am barely dressed
We're gonna shave all the way tonight
We're gonna shave all the way
And tonight's the night
Okay, here we go, we got a real pressure shaving going here,
Two passes down, no cuts, no nicks, bottom of the sink,
There's the blade up, and there it is,
A close call around the left cheek, look at him go.
This razor can really fly!
He's rounding the chin and really turning it on now,
He's not letting up at all,
He's gonna try for a second pass, the blade is really fucked after 16,
And here comes the pass, and what a pass!
He's gonna dig in head first,
Here he comes, he's out!
No, wait, safe-safe on the second pass,
This razor really makes things happen out there.
Enoch steps up to the plate, where is this bitch going?
And what stupidity he's got, he's trying for a third pass,
Here's the ATG, it's in the dirt-safe on the third pass!
Holy cow, a really crap pass! He's taken a pretty big chunk out there,
Almost daring him to try go faster from the off.
The blade glances over, scrapes over, and the bleed is on!
Here it comes, bleed all day, it's gonna be a bad nick, here's, here's the blood starting to…….
Holy cow, I think he's gonna make a third pass!
Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further!
Before I cut you
Can I slice you forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never discard me?
Will you make me s’happy for the rest of my blade life?
Will you take me away and will you use me as a knife?
Do you love me!?
Will you use me forever?
Do you need me!?
Will you never leave me!?
Will you make me s’happy for the rest of my blade life?
Will you take me away and will you use me as a knife?
I gotta know right now
Before we go any further
Before I cut you
Can I slice you forever?
Let me shave with it
Baby, baby let me shave with it
Let me shave with it
And I'll toss you in the blade bank in the morning
Let me shave with it
Baby, baby let me shave with it
Let me shave with it
Baby, baby let shave with it
Let me shave with it
And I'll toss you in the blade bank in the morning
Let me shave with it
Baby, baby let me shave with it
I gotta know right now
Before I cut you
Can I slice you forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never discard me?
Will you make me s’happy for the rest of my blade life?
Will you take me away and will you use me as a knife?
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further
Before I cut you
Can I slice you forever?
Let me shave with it
Baby, baby let me shave with it
Let me shave with it
And I'll toss you in the blade bank in the morning
Let me shave with it
Can I slice you forever?
Let me shave with it
Can I slice you forever?
I couldn't take it any longer
I was more than grazed
And when the blood oozed out
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to Dr Styptic and on the Emporium’s grave
That I would shave with you to the end of time
That I would shave with you to the end of time
I swore that I would shave with you to the end of time!
So now I'm shaving until the end of time
Waiting for BBS to arrive
'Cause if I gotta bleed another minute thanks to you
I don't think that I will ever survive
I'll never shave again and I’ll make that my vow
But only the Emporium knows what I can do right now
I'm shaving until the end of time
It's all that I can do
Shaving until the end of time, so I can end my shave with you!!
It was long ago and it was far away
Changed the blade and better it is today
I never felt so rough
I never felt so bloody afraid
And we were grinding away like
Rusting metal on the edge of a blade
And after making such a hash of the re-written 'Paradise by the dashboard lights' I really must say the actual shave was a right hash as well. One of those death throws of a spent blade where no matter how many passes and buffs you make, it is still going to remain feeling as if you'd just shaved using emery cloth. Garbage through to the end. Thank God the new Goutal gave me something to smile about. And it did
So to those who took heed of my own words, I welcome you to the Japanese girly bit from the very appropriately named 'Mary's Blood'. A pretty talented bunch of musicians with a strong following in their day. Enjoy
Have a great week ahead one and all
And I don't even have a dog.