My goodness, how useless I have been. A phone full of shaving photos but damn all written. It is time to wake up you hapless bastard and do some reporting.
So here they are, my last four shaves and the theme, 'Celebrity, celibacy, conviction and celebration'
Celebrity
Celebrity razor - Stainless Mongoose
Celebrity blade - Schick Proline
Celebrity brush - AP Shaving 24mm Cashmere
Celebrity soap - Signature Londinium
Celebrity balm - L'Occitane Cade
Celebrity skin....
I also have a hole and it appears to be void of Celebrity status.... thank God
Throw a bunch of well proven kit together and there is only one outcome. A Celebrity worthy shave. Heavenly..... except Brian Blessed, or Shania Twain, or....etc etc
Celibacy
Virginal razor - 3ONE6
Chaste blade - Wizamet Super Iridium
Abstinent brush - Highlander Marine AFC
Vestal soap - Captain Foreskins Scarpicchio
Immaculate moisturiser - Collagen
Perfect perfume - Goutal Eau De Monsieur
'Sex darling?'
'No thank you. I prefer a drink of tea and keeping my virginity'
'Bollocks'
It is getting towards the day when Marine AFC play in the semi-finals of the playoffs to gain promotion to the next league. Probably some obsolete league sponsored by a double glazing company. Which I guess has to be better than the pulloffs to gain promotion from 'Albert Twislethwaite's used condom Emporium league'
Still, it is time to bring the Highlander Marine AFC brush in to play and pray that its papel blessing really does work. It is after all not every brush which arrives via the Vatican.
It is also an opportunity to once again test the Captain Testicles soap as recently made note of by
@pjgh And I am happy you say matey, indeed a wank name but a bloody brilliant bit of soapmanship. As for Captains. Tossers!
Slap it altogether in some kind of shaving order and one delightful shave worthy of a very optimistic football result
Conviction
Convicting razor - Stainless Mongoose
Blade conviction - Schick Proline
Convict No.666 - Highlander Marine AFC
Twenty to life - Penhaligons Bayolea
To the gallows - Simple moisturiser
Dead man walking - Floris Elite
Match day. And a damn final worthy shave to take with me. And further use of the Marine brush to add a little more of some good luck to it all. Blessed be the brush.
Celebration
A match winning razor - Yaqi Excalibur
A Warrington losing blade - Kai Titan mild
A Pope worthy brush - Highlander Marine AFC
A
Godly Satanic soap - Bath House Cuban Cedar and Lime
Blessed be the scent - Bath House Cuban Cedar and Lime
Marine 1 - Warrington Rylands 0
On to play Macclesfield in the final next Monday. I will see where I am in life though as I might just Miss Macclesfield...
The brush fucking works! I have to thank the Pope for his ability to bless shaving brushes and Gile for managing to acheive some kind of dodgy under the counter deal with the church.
The blade was on its last legs, but as if I gave a shit. We win and it was a shave. Perfect.
So far you have been subject to a number of music videos which are not Japanese and you must be thinking, 'what is going on here? No lovely ladies from the land of the rising sun?'
Not to fret I have some kind of Japanese female surf Beatles to sing you out. Who are they? Clueless, but who cares...
And yes, I love you all