You guys are great, which is what attracted me to the forum in the first place, the supportive nature of the place and the good natured banter. Thanks for all your offers of DMs etc, very much appreciated. As promised to
@Blademonkey above, here is my 2 pennorth.
So, yes, I've just got back from the Andy's Man Club thing just now. Today at work I hardly did anything and struggled to hold it together at all. I did tell a couple of people I was not having a good day but with work you just don't know who to trust.
So yeah, couldn't wait to get to this thing tonight. Because sometimes, you can't lean on your partner (or she has gone or whatever) and not everyone has solid mates who can give you the time, or maybe that's another group you don't feel like reaching out to, or they're up against it themselves. That's really where AMC comes in.
I'll try not to make this too long but you know what I'm like so apologies in advance for a long ish post, but I think it's good to flesh this out as it might help people.
Basically is always a Monday night at 7pm wherever you go, I think. This one was in a community centre. There was about 5 blokes wearing the t shirt hanging out front to welcome you so you knew you were at the right venue. They sort you out with tea or coffee and biscuits, there's no fees, no names being taken or forms. You could make up a name if you were that bothered, and you're free to say as little as you want. They're just regular guys, there's no men in white coats or healthcare professionals, and nobody is going to say 'you seem alright why are you here?' You do not have to have reached a threshold of need or anything.
It's literally zero barriers to entry, minimal rules.
1 be respectful
2 keep confidential all that's said
3 don't talk about (advise on) meds
4 no politics or religion (I think you can say "My week was good cos my mate made me his son's Godfather" but you can't bang on about whether it's good or bad etc obviously).
They structure it so everyone gets a chance to say something, which is done by passing a ball round and when you've got it you can talk. If you don't want to, just give it to the next guy, no pressure. It depends on numbers but we split into groups of about 15 people, not so small that you feel the focus, not so big that it's like public speaking. Just comfortable. They ask questions to get it going and keep it focused and on topic. So, stuff like "how was your week?", "one good thing that was the best thing of last week", and "what to you want to get off your chest tonight in particular".
It's not "therapy" as such but it's a bit like this thread, a bunch of guys who want to support each other, and be matey, share their thoughts and worries, have a moan, share good news etc. It's really interesting when you hear people say exactly what you were thinking, or to hear how they dealt with X, Y and Z, or what people have got going on. One fella was there on behalf of his son, who is seemingly really struggling, and I thought to myself at least that kid has a dad that's prepared to do that for him. I'll say to that dad what a legend he is just for being there tonight if I see him again because it does not go without saying that "that's what fathers do".
There were people who had MH diagnoses of known things, some had anxiety, there was at least one who had been diagnosed with bipolar many years ago and been managing it ever since, others who just wanted a place to be listened to, and I get the impression quite a few of the facilitators or volunteers were blokes who had maybe come there in various states of needing help and ended up feeling much better after due time and giving back, or passing it forward, actually.
Another thing I think it's OK to pass on is that they had a couple of guys out at the local Coop with leaflets, raising awareness, and they said they were shocked by how many people were literally walking around in public, just about holding it together, who got chatting to the volunteers and saying that they were struggling, or felt emotional when they realised there are people who you can just go and talk to. It's so widespread especially after the whole Covid fiasco and now the various crises, the scale of the need is higher than people realise.
I even had people asking me about proper shaving at the end, so I might do a mini enabling PIF to one of the lads from there actually. This particular guy said something interesting. He said
"I knew there was a storm coming for me so I came here to get some guys around me before it happened" which struck me as insightful and a good reason to go even if you don't feel immediately at risk. I think it may well help me to keep calm and I'm going to go some more. It's really non intimidating, they are just a bunch of normal blokes giving each other an ear and offering a different perspective which you can choose to accept or ignore. I felt welcome and pretty secure and at home straight away. I haven't tried the online version which you can do if you prefer or if there isn't one near you so I can't comment but I imagine it's the same format, what you save on petrol money you spend on making your own tea and biscuits if you're in the comfort of your own home! I spend all my time in one room for the majority of my life since the last 3 years so I was well up for going there in person and making some friends.
