A start to a new shaving week and with a theme named, 'Enoch. The fastest razor in the west'
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The fastest razor - Occams Enoch
Lightening blade - Feather Super Professional
Slick quick brush - Yaqi Dandelion
Greased soap - Signature Soaps Wicstun
Greased grease - Colegen moisturiser
'Boycie's mobile Emporium expansion'
It is time for one of those 'sing-a-long' shaves, so you know the score, press play and try your very best to make the lyrics fit
You could hear the Feather grinding
As it raced across the face
And the chatter of its sharpened edge
As it passed at quite a pace
And he galloped across those chubby cheeks
On that bit above his chest
His name was Enoch
And was the fastest razor in the west
Now Enoch loved a soapy face
From a lather known as Wicstun
Came from a tin in Liverpool
And originally from Boltun
They said the soap was too good for the brush
But he was haughty, proud and sleek
But Yaqi got to cream his face
At least three times a week
His name was Enoch
And was the fastest razor in the west
Satan said he'd wouldn’t like bathe in blood
Enoch said alright you old fart
And when he readied for shaving one night
He loaded up to start
He said he wanted a facial cream
Cos Signature is best
Satan says Enoch I'll be happy
If it comes on to me chest
And that tickled old Enoch (Enoch)
And he was the fastest razor in the west
Now Enoch had a nemesis
An evil looking man
Called Big Bad Boycie from Plymouth Bay
And he ran the Emporiam
He tempted shavers with his rejected goods
And his jars of useless soaps
When folk saw through the guise
Of what a sale implies
They realised his jokes
They nearly swooned at his cut price brushes
And he said now if you treat me right
You'll have great shaves every morning
And facial splatters every night
They knew once they'd sampled his evil deeds
He'd have his wicked way
And all Enoch had to offer
Was a quick shave every day
Poor Enoch (Enoch)
And he was the fastest razor in the west
One morning Enoch saw Boycie’s horse and cart outside of his front door
It drove him mad to find it had been there since half past four
And as he leaped down from of his shower room shelf
Stupidity made him cut and bleed
And he went across to Boycie's cart
And quickly shaved his steed
His name was Feather
And partnered the fastest razor in the west
Now Satan rushed out into the street
His Enoch in his hand
He said if you want to run your Emporiam
You'll shave for it like a man
Oh why don't I give you crappy blades
He sneeringly replied
And just to make it interesting
You’ll have weepers down one side
Now Satan dragged him from his cart
And by the shower sink
They stood there faced to faced
And Boycie went for a sharp Kai Pink
But Enoch was too quickly paced
Things didn't go the way Boycie planned
And a lime scent puck of soap
Sent it spinning from his hand
Now Boycie launched a blade
From a past its date Parker TTO
A rusty old blade and definitely blunt
And peeled his Adam’s apple right across the front
There was nothing a styptic pencil could do
And poisoned from the rust
With blood stained toilet tissue
Satan bit the dust
Poor Enoch (Enoch)
And was the fastest razor in the west
Satan was only sixty-one, he didn't want to die
Now he's gone to enjoy his shaving
In that shower room in the sky
Where forum folk are angels
And ferocious razors are banned
And a shavers life is full of fun
In that soapy lather land
But a business needs are many fold
And the Emporium carried on
But there are sides which remain untold
And as Boycie sat there in his shed
Planning bigger things for him
You have to remember it’s not the size what attracts the flies
But the cheese around the rim
They won't forget Enoch (Enoch)
And he was the fastest razor in the west
And the shave? Indeed very quick and indeed absolutely spot on. The best of everything one could wish for.
And on the subject of wishing I wish you all a super weekend. Be well, be safe in every way possible. Because, I do love you all
And so do these ladies expressing my thoughts towards the Emporium
