Where am I going wrong?

Ha ha, I haven't laughed so much, very funny indeed
 
Ok...I really appreciate the feedback from everyone, though I suspect some people have not taken me seriously - you know, the kind of people who feel superior with their original dinosaur-bone handled slingshot razors that fire sharpened flints at the wall to ricochet back onto their face with supreme accuracy to trim their beards, and even though they cut their faces to pieces, they insist they they get the 'best' shave 'cos it's so close and far more traditional than a simple modern DE razor, and their bone razors look so cool in those moody outdoor photos with Raquel Welch in the background, wearing nothing but skimpy Mammoth skins, stroking her thighs with a Simpson Chubby Silver Tip and splashing her breasts with a bottle of Floid Vigoroso...ok, ok, ok..enough posing you guys! I think we all know who I'm talking about? Anyway, apart from those few, I do feel that I have had some valuable and constructive advice. At the end of the day, however, i have distilled all of the feedback down to one practical measure. I have applied this and it has given me a totally BBS shave with no other changes to my original setup. What's the secret you ask?
I sharpened the fuckin Kukri!