This probably only works in Scotland...

My missus works at a hotel, it's this country house and they offer massages there as part of their services to residents. My GF told me the other day that there was a guy in from our local town, which is a dive - just a massive council estate and this guy came from the roughest estate in town; he was there as part of his 50th B'Day and asked for a massage. Whilst the masseuse (not my GF) was giving this guy a massage he asked if she did any 'extras'. To which she said 'yes we do seaweed facials, std. massage bs etc.' 'No, I mean do you do any EXTRAS?'
She finally caught his drift, was somewhat disgusted and told him no. He pleaded for a while and said 'go on I'll give ya £20 for it', she refused again and said that if he continued asking she'd cancel the session, to which he replied 'if it's an issue of time we can start right now' and turned over exposing himself - likely reeking of Tennents Extra & Lambert & Butler, eventually she had to leave despite the fact that he offered her the pricley sum of £50! ooh fortune!
Masseuse was apparently well offended and shocked as doesn't do anything like that, is in her 50's herself and has never been approached about this before, lol.
 
He just needs to visit this place instead
engrish-funny-wank-internet.jpg
 
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