JOTD..... (Joke of the day)

Gairdner

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Midlothian, Scotland
The kids in are in class at school and wee Jenny is crying to the teacher as she is bleeding between the legs. Teacher calms her down, explains the story and asks if someone can take her home. Her grandparents are deid and Maw and Paw both work so the teacher gets the daftest kid, Paddy, to chum her home.

Paddy is helluva curious as to what’s wrong with wee Jenny but naturally she’s too shy to tell him. Now Paddy might be thick but he’s got plenty o’ natural Irish charm so eventually she tells him.”Never in life!”, cries Paddy, clearly shocked. He asks to see but of course wee Jenny is having none of it. However, Paddy turns on the charm again and she eventually agrees.

Paddy then gets down on all fours and peers up wee Jenny’s skirt to see no knickers but a gaping red wound. “My god!”, he exclaims. “I know what’s wrong with you, Jenny.”, he tells her. “What is it Paddy?”, she nervously asks.

Paddy replies, “Someone’s cut yer cock off!!!”
 
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01fFrPa.jpg
 
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A joke for the Britons.


Chimpanzees are clever animals; one of the few that makes tools. But one chimp was much better than the others; he made tools to eat with. One was a single sharp blade which he called his one-point-tool. The other had four prongs and he called this one his four-point-tool. Using them together, he could cut up fruit and eat it without any of the mess that chimps usually make. The rest of his troop were massively impressed and quite jealous; they all wanted the tools.
But one day he went to eat a mango, only to find his four-point-tool was missing. His first thoughts were that one of the jealous chimps had pinched it, but, after several arguments and fights (they were chimps after all) he concluded that it wasn’t one of them.
So off he went to talk to some of the other animals. First he came to the Lion.
"Good morning, Mr. Lion" said the monkey.
"Good morning, monkey"
"Have you seen my four-point tool anywhere?"
"No," said the lion "But I did see the Giraffe a little way back there. Maybe he's seen your four-point tool"
So the monkey ran to find the giraffe.
"Good morning, Mr. Giraffe"
"Good morning, monkey"
"Have you seen my four point tool anywhere please?"
"Well, I might have done" said the giraffe "I think I saw the jaguar with it an hour ago. You'll probably find him by the river."
So the monkey ran to find the jaguar.
"Good morning Mr. Jaguar"
"Good morning, monkey"
"Have you seen my four point tool anywhere, please?"
"Well, actually I have" said the jaguar. "And I'm afraid I've eaten it".
"Eaten it??? EATEN IT? ? ? ? " The monkey was almost in tears "but that was my favourite four point tool. Why did you do that... WHY???"
"I'm sorry monkey, but it is in my nature, I couldn't help myself"
"What do you mean it is in your nature, that's just not FAIR" the monkey felt his heart breaking
The jaguar was upset, and felt the monkey really needed the truth...



"I really am sorry, monkey, it's just that I'm a four point tool eater jaguar".
 
Messages
1,854
A joke for the Britons.


Chimpanzees are clever animals; one of the few that makes tools. But one chimp was much better than the others; he made tools to eat with. One was a single sharp blade which he called his one-point-tool. The other had four prongs and he called this one his four-point-tool. Using them together, he could cut up fruit and eat it without any of the mess that chimps usually make. The rest of his troop were massively impressed and quite jealous; they all wanted the tools.
But one day he went to eat a mango, only to find his four-point-tool was missing. His first thoughts were that one of the jealous chimps had pinched it, but, after several arguments and fights (they were chimps after all) he concluded that it wasn’t one of them.
So off he went to talk to some of the other animals. First he came to the Lion.
"Good morning, Mr. Lion" said the monkey.
"Good morning, monkey"
"Have you seen my four-point tool anywhere?"
"No," said the lion "But I did see the Giraffe a little way back there. Maybe he's seen your four-point tool"
So the monkey ran to find the giraffe.
"Good morning, Mr. Giraffe"
"Good morning, monkey"
"Have you seen my four point tool anywhere please?"
"Well, I might have done" said the giraffe "I think I saw the jaguar with it an hour ago. You'll probably find him by the river."
So the monkey ran to find the jaguar.
"Good morning Mr. Jaguar"
"Good morning, monkey"
"Have you seen my four point tool anywhere, please?"
"Well, actually I have" said the jaguar. "And I'm afraid I've eaten it".
"Eaten it??? EATEN IT? ? ? ? " The monkey was almost in tears "but that was my favourite four point tool. Why did you do that... WHY???"
"I'm sorry monkey, but it is in my nature, I couldn't help myself"
"What do you mean it is in your nature, that's just not FAIR" the monkey felt his heart breaking
The jaguar was upset, and felt the monkey really needed the truth...



"I really am sorry, monkey, it's just that I'm a four point tool eater jaguar".
That's awful...in a good sort of way.
 
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