Expensive Perfume

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An old man is in a lift with two glamorous women.

One woman takes a bottle of perfume from her handbag and sprays her neck.
She looks at the other woman and says “Romance … by Ralph Lauren … £150 an ounce”

The second woman takes a bottle of perfume from her bag and sprays her neck.
She looks back and says “Chanel ... No5 ….. £200 an ounce”

The lift approaches the old man’s floor and he lets off a thunderous honking fart.
As the doors open, he looks back at the two women and says
“Broccoli ! ...….….... 49p a pound !”
 
Lady and the Farmer

A farmer stopped by a hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. Then he stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the store, he wondered how to carry all his purchases home.
While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a lady who told him she was lost.
She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to this address please?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.'
The lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the lady home.

On the way, he said, 'Let's take my shortcut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The lady looked at him overcautiously and said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to protect me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'
 
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