Cheer up, England!!
You've gone further than Germany, Brazil, Spain, Argentina, Portugal... The team may be returning empty-handed, but Harry Kane looks nailed-on for the golden boot, and try to remember just how low expectations were ahead of the tournament. So low that I was worried that my soap sample from shavedash wouldn't arrive in time for the end of the group stage and that could mess up this, my tribute shave to all the countries that couldn't even qualify for the world cup.
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Netherlands: Scheermonnik SOEK soap
Netherlands finished third in their group on goal difference, and Het Oranje have been a glaring omission at this year's World Cup. They've reached the final three times, but have yet to win the competition. This soap, with its spice and orange aroma, smelled like nothing so much as a glass of Hoegaarden - an unfortunate reminder of things Belgian given yesterday's result.
Italy: Omega S10083 brush
Sweden, who did for the Netherlands in the group stage of qualification, put Italy out in the play-offs. Four times winners, they're an even bigger absence than Holland's, they're easy on the eye and have decent backbone, but lacked a softness of touch. Just like this brush.
US: Gillette Tech razor design
Recent stalwarts of the World Cup, last year the US had qualification in their grasp only to throw it away on the final day with a loss to bottom-of-the-table Trinidad & Tobago. Although the Tech design is probably the most-produced safety razor in history, it's a little too mild for my tastes, so always coupled with a shim when I'm using it.
China: Gillette Super Blue razor manufacturing
China has only ever qualified for one World Cup, in 2002, where they lost every game without scoring a single goal.It would be facile to make a contrast between the country's excellence in manufacturing other peoples design, and their failure to find a playmaker that could take them to major competitions. Especially now the Parthenon razor has entered production.
Canada: RazoRock bamboo SS handle
Okay, no-one's really missing Canada, but there aren't so many countries making razor handles. If only Windrose were Welsh. Although this does look like a pretty direct rip-off of the ATT bamboo handle, it is fantastically ergonomic despite looking like it's going to slip out of your hand as soon as you lift your gaze off it for a second.
Turkey: Derby Extra blade
Turkey have had some big tournament success fairly recently, but like this blade the current generation of players just can't cut it at this level.
Czech Republic: Tiger Superior Stainless (blade) shim
The Czech Republic finished 3rd in a tough qualifying group, behind Germany and Northern Ireland. The old Czechoslovakia teams were regular fixtures in the latter stages of World Cups (and won the Euros in 1970). These blades are only available NOS. Just like the football team, they literally don't make them like they used to. I originally shimmed this razor with an old Sputnik blade, but threw it away specially for this shave!
The soap was fantastic (it's my first experience with Scheermonnik). Everything else conspired and aspired towards adequacy. There were some weepers, but not nearly so many as on Wednesday night.
Happy shaving.