PIF - if you make me laugh **May be NSFW**
- Thread starter Rev-O
- Start Date
- Messages
- 1,347
- Location
- sunny canvey in the Y-UK
Paddy and murphy are in a pub when a woman starts chokin on her food. As she starts to go blue in the face Paddy rushes over an goes behind her whips her skirt up and pulls her knickers down and licks up and down between the cheeks of her ass! The horrified woman gasps and spits the food across the room. Murphy says well done Paddy. I've heard of the hind lick manouvre, but thats the 1st time ive seen it done!!
- Messages
- 720
Terry has a terrible car accident and is immediately taken to the nearest hospital. After several days he wakes up. The doctor tells him there is a problem. He explains that Terry's penis had been ripped off in the accident. Terry is devastated. He leaves hospital after a week and rings his insurance company. The man on the phone explains the insurance policy:
"sorry to hear of your troubles sir. Your penis was covered for £9000. You can take this in cash or Reconstructive surgery will be £1000 per inch, and you will have a brand new penis and everything will be back to normal. We strongly advise our customers to talk this through with their partners because it is a decision that affects them too. For example, if you were rather large before, then it may be best to opt for the full £9000 in order to give yoursleves what you had been use to before. Alternatively, if you were on the smaller side, you can opt for the same size and collect the remainder in cash. Please do talk to your partner and let us know by the end of the week what your decision is"
A few days later, terry rings up the insurer:
"hello sir, thanks for calling back. what decision have you come to?"
Terry: "I'll take the £9000 in cash, we're getting a bloody new kitchen"
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Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."
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A well known and jovial Rabbi, Rabbi Bernstein, passes away. His jewish wife visits the local paper's office in order to give notice to it's orbituary section.
"How much does it cost?" she asks.
"It is £1 per word" the clerk replies.
"Ok, write this 'Bernstein dead'" she says.
"There is a minimum £5 fee" the clerk explains. She thinks for a short while and says
"Bernstein Dead. Volvo for sale"
"sorry to hear of your troubles sir. Your penis was covered for £9000. You can take this in cash or Reconstructive surgery will be £1000 per inch, and you will have a brand new penis and everything will be back to normal. We strongly advise our customers to talk this through with their partners because it is a decision that affects them too. For example, if you were rather large before, then it may be best to opt for the full £9000 in order to give yoursleves what you had been use to before. Alternatively, if you were on the smaller side, you can opt for the same size and collect the remainder in cash. Please do talk to your partner and let us know by the end of the week what your decision is"
A few days later, terry rings up the insurer:
"hello sir, thanks for calling back. what decision have you come to?"
Terry: "I'll take the £9000 in cash, we're getting a bloody new kitchen"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A well known and jovial Rabbi, Rabbi Bernstein, passes away. His jewish wife visits the local paper's office in order to give notice to it's orbituary section.
"How much does it cost?" she asks.
"It is £1 per word" the clerk replies.
"Ok, write this 'Bernstein dead'" she says.
"There is a minimum £5 fee" the clerk explains. She thinks for a short while and says
"Bernstein Dead. Volvo for sale"
- Messages
- 8,392
- Location
- Little Feckwittering-on-the-Moor
There's a nun in the bath and a knock at the door. "Who is it?" she calls. "Blind man" comes the reply. She thinks for a second before saying "Come in".
The door opens and a man comes in with a venetian blind and says "Nice tits!"
The door opens and a man comes in with a venetian blind and says "Nice tits!"
- Messages
- 8,392
- Location
- Little Feckwittering-on-the-Moor
Two greyhounds are at the bar and one says to the other - "funny thing happened to me the other night - in the traps at Hackney, just as the door opened, there was a tweak on my arse and I shot out like a bullet, won the race in a record time", the other one says "get away, same thing happened to me at Wimbledon, just as the trap opened, arse tweaked shot out and won the race by a mile".
A horse next to them says "you chaps aren't going to believe this, I was there at Newmarket, in the traps and just as the door opened, a tweak of my arse and I came out like a bullet from a gun and won by a mile".
The first greyhound says to the second "fuck me! a talking horse!"
A horse next to them says "you chaps aren't going to believe this, I was there at Newmarket, in the traps and just as the door opened, a tweak of my arse and I came out like a bullet from a gun and won by a mile".
The first greyhound says to the second "fuck me! a talking horse!"
- Messages
- 8,392
- Location
- Little Feckwittering-on-the-Moor
Geordie and his mate are staggering home from the pub in the pissing down rain and they are passing the bus garage.
Geordie says "I'm gonna nick a bus and we can get the bus home" so he hops over the fence and into the bus garage. There's a loads of revving and crashing and breaking glass and eventually out comes Geordie driving a battered bus. His mate says "Geordie, what took you so long man?"
Geordie said "well the number 23 was right at the back man and that's the only one that goes past our house"
Geordie says "I'm gonna nick a bus and we can get the bus home" so he hops over the fence and into the bus garage. There's a loads of revving and crashing and breaking glass and eventually out comes Geordie driving a battered bus. His mate says "Geordie, what took you so long man?"
Geordie said "well the number 23 was right at the back man and that's the only one that goes past our house"
- Messages
- 391
- Location
- Bangor, Co. Down
Sammy's first wife died of eating poisonous mushrooms.
His second wife died of a fractured skull.
It turned out she didn't like mushrooms
His second wife died of a fractured skull.
It turned out she didn't like mushrooms
- Messages
- 8,392
- Location
- Little Feckwittering-on-the-Moor
Fteady on Ollie, you'll end up PIFfing yourfelf 
Rev-O said: