Dandies

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A man to a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?”

The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.”

The man smiles: “Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket.”

The Psychiatrist replies: “No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?”
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Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
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Pickup Lines

My love for you is like diarrhea. I just cannot hold it back.

I'm no weatherman but I think you can definitely expect quite a few cms tonight.

I'm sorry, could you please help me fix my phone? It doesn't appear to have your number.

I was so struck with you that I ran quite hard into that wall over there. So I'll need your name and number for the insurance company.

My friends bet me that I wouldn't get to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl here.
Shall we buy some drinks with their money?

Hey, did you buy those pants on sale? Cuz at my place they're 100% off!

Wow, you must be a real dictator because I'm experiencing an uprising.

Hi, I was just talking to my friend and he was wondering whether you think I'm cute.

Does this cloth also smell like chloroform to you?

Did you just fart? I am just asking because you really blew me away!

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

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My favorite British joke:

Q: Know why the British don't make computers?
A: They couldn't figure out how to make them leak oil!

;)
 
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