- Messages
- 615
* Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour.
* What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that!
* Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen all his wife's body. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh?
* Imagine my shock at getting a letter from my doctor advising me I only had a month to live but thankfully the letter was not for me but for my son with the same name who lives with us. Close call!
* What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story straight.
* WHY DON'T NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA outbreaks in no time.
* Why is it that pubs won't serve me if I'm drunk, but McDonalds continue serving the fat eaters? It's hardly fair.
* The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese" obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar.
* They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local.
* If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Glasgow received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?
* These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down.
* We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she "bravely remained in London beside her husband" during the war. This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and went off, first to France, then North Africa , Italy France (again) and finally Germany. The shame will always be with us.
* Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero by the people of London . That's because he flew Heinkel bombers for the Luftwaffe.
* I would just like to say a big thank you to all those wonderful young people who stand on motorway slip roads (and in any weather) holding up boards telling us motorists where they lead to.
* I heard recently that, on average, Gordon Brown receives two pieces of excrement in the post each week. What I want to know is ... who's sending the other one?
* What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that!
* Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen all his wife's body. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh?
* Imagine my shock at getting a letter from my doctor advising me I only had a month to live but thankfully the letter was not for me but for my son with the same name who lives with us. Close call!
* What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story straight.
* WHY DON'T NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA outbreaks in no time.
* Why is it that pubs won't serve me if I'm drunk, but McDonalds continue serving the fat eaters? It's hardly fair.
* The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese" obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar.
* They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local.
* If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Glasgow received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?
* These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down.
* We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she "bravely remained in London beside her husband" during the war. This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and went off, first to France, then North Africa , Italy France (again) and finally Germany. The shame will always be with us.
* Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero by the people of London . That's because he flew Heinkel bombers for the Luftwaffe.
* I would just like to say a big thank you to all those wonderful young people who stand on motorway slip roads (and in any weather) holding up boards telling us motorists where they lead to.
* I heard recently that, on average, Gordon Brown receives two pieces of excrement in the post each week. What I want to know is ... who's sending the other one?
